


Black Haired Confusion

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Altered Mental States, Dreams, Gen, M/M, Post-Scratch, Sadstuck, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-10
Updated: 2013-07-10
Packaged: 2017-12-18 08:11:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/877555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your mind used to be your safe haven.<br/>Now he is all you think about.<br/>Like you ever really thought of anything important.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Black Haired Confusion

**Author's Note:**

> this could be read by the point of view of any character really. i was thinking dave when i wrote it

The recent days are becoming nothing but a meaningless blur.   
A mirage. A shadow of what it should be.   
You say recent like this is new. Not really. It's been the same for all you can remember.  
You have no name.   
You have no friends.  
No family.  
No one.  
You can't do anything about it and you don't.  
You stopped trying a long time ago.  
You try to find some shred of normalicy, something famililar that can leave you with a false sense of hope and a warm feeling bubbling in your chest.   
In those rare moments you always feel something you can't really understand. You honestly doubt if you will ever be able to. Escaping from all the terrors of the unknown and confusion from your reality, you take to the sky. Sometimes even the ocean or even an abandoned city.  
When you close you swollen red eyes, nothing can hurt you. You are free from any burden, not that you had any to begin with.

Until he shows up.  
At first, he is nothing more than a blue glow in the corner of your vision. You try to crain your neck to focus on it, but its always on the move. Like he is just trying to piss you off. Trying to make you care.

Trying so hard, to make you try.

He is always in your dreams now, and you always wake up sobbing. For what reason, you have no idea.

You can see his face now, all jet black hair and toothy grins and giggles.

He never says anything though and you don't mind, but you don't really have a choice in the matter anyway.  
He always has a stupid smile on his face. You hate it, but you can't stop the smile that forms on your lips when you think about it.

When his smile fades, though, you aren't prepared in the slightest.  
His chubby face is contorted into one of pure... Consentration?   
No.  
Is it... Love?  
Bullshit.  
Its just a stupid dream, anyway. Why does it fucking matter?  
No one loves you.  
No one ever will.  
But when you feel feather light kisses being pressed to every part of you face, and simple touches on your fingers, neck, and cheek, you're not so sure anymore. Honestly, when were you ever sure of anything?

The touches go even further, and you find his small frame pressed against your body and his hot breath against your ear. It's nice and you don't want it to stop. It seems too godamn familar... It shouldn't, and it kinda freaks you out. It just feels so natural and perfect. You have never seen this boy in your entire abysmal existence, though, and you wish you could have.

You find yourself escaping to your dreams more often, and now it seems like he is reality, and when you awake it's nothing but a giant nightmare. 

You're actually happy for once.  
That is fucking scary.

You try and remember, this boy.  
He is important. He is yours.

 

Your nails are worn down to nubs, and your hair is becoming thin. Please! I want to remember who he is. Please.

He gives you something to live for, you need to find him. This is what you were meant to do. He is a lost boy, and you are his savior. 

Haha.  
Who are you kidding.  
You've said it before, and you'll say it again.  
You're not a hero.  
So why do you want to save him so badly..? Why?

You are in love with this boy, and you don't even know his name.  
You have no idea who he is, but you do. 

You're insane.  
You've gone mental!  
Yes. That's it. Nothing else.

You're content, living in a dream, so you'll keep it that way. You'll try for the boy.   
You'll keep living.  
For him.

Then the boy leaves your dreams.  
You wake up in a cold sweat.  
You cry. You clutch at your dried skin, scratch at your swollen eyes.  
You try to sleep again.  
To see him again.  
You need to see him again, YOU HAVE TO.

He is never in your dreams after that.

When he leaves, you finally remember his name. 

'John'

You finally know who your boy is.

If only you knew who you were.

**Author's Note:**

> don't question it i know it doesn't make sense


End file.
